Nearly 20 years ago, Tempe resident Matt Smith was on the cover of TV Guide, along with fellow castmates from the popular MTV reality television show, “The Real World: New Orleans.” But when the father of six (including one on the way) tells his children about it, they’re completely unimpressed.
Which is probably the way Smith prefers it. Having a role on a show that pioneered the reality genre isn’t nearly as impressive as his most important role: father.
“They’re aware of my history,” Smith said, “but they’re more impressed I’m president of the HOA.”
Occasionally, Smith’s children may see him be recognized by an old fan, who starts off trying to place his face.
“It’s so old-timey, it grosses them out,” Smith said.
His mother in north Georgia showed his oldest two daughters, ages 12 and 10, a few episodes on VHS tapes, but without a VCR in the home, watching old episodes isn’t happening.
“Because of YouTube and social media, seeing yourself on a screen isn’t impressive,” he said. “They’re not old enough to understand what 10 million viewers at 10 p.m. means.”
Like most Americans, Smith has had to adapt that role in the last several months as a result of the global COVID-19 pandemic. Living in quarantine presented its own set of challenges.
Recalling the Italian Academy Award-winning film “Life is Beautiful,” written by, directed by and starring Roberto Benigni, Smith notes how the main character creates a game so his child doesn’t live in fear while interred in a concentration camp.
“That film stuck in my mind in the first few weeks,” Smith said. “I wanted to make sure my children never felt the intense fear and anxiety that most of us adults felt.”
As a result, the Smith family played a lot of games and did arts and crafts at home. The children have also taken an active role in cooking and have even taken an interest in the family garden. Since the family already home-schools, adjusting to a virtual education is one thing they didn’t have to worry about.
“One of the things about COVID is we stepped up our gardening game,” Smith said. “They play an active role in the gardening, planting, watering. Everyone’s going out and checking that cucumber one more time.”
Following Gov. Doug Ducey’s recommendations that Arizonans remain active during quarantine, Smith took his family on regular family bike rides. During this time, he said he noticed something unusual.
“South Tempe came alive,” Smith said, noting that although stores were closed, residents would go on walks and bike rides. “There were social-distancing traffic jams between pedestrians and bike riders.”
He and his wife Candyce also had age-appropriate conversations with their children to help them understand what was happening in the world but not letting them give into fear.
“Our 12-year-old could understand more than our 5-year-old,” he said.
Prayer has played a big part in their lives, especially during the quarantine. Every night the family prayed for the safety of each individual and for their loved ones. Faith can provide comfort and guidance, Smith said.
“I’m not always going to be here,” he said. “If I can teach them while they’re young, then long after I’m gone they can have that comfort of a loving Father in heaven.”
The family was able to rely on that faith recently when Candyce suffered a miscarriage two years ago. Although they didn’t know the sex of the baby before the miscarriage, Smith said it’s comforting for their daughters to remember him as a little boy, and they named him Ambrose Emmanuel Smith.
“Being a parent is overwhelming, beautiful and exhausting all at the same time. It’s easy for a young father to feel overwhelmed,” Smith said. “But when you have a miscarriage, it makes you appreciate and cherish your children in a profound way. Even when you’re exhausted, and they’re wearing you down, you just love them so much.”
During the quarantine, the Smith family joined other families in his area and across the globe in transferring their worship experience online. Like many other churches, their family church, St. Andrew the Apostle Catholic Church in Chandler, offered live-streamed services. While not quite the same, in a way the experience was very much like before the quarantine.
“We still showed up late. The one thing I learned pretty recently is I could press the pause button,” Smith said. “It’s been good continuity for the kids.”
Forced family time is an opportunity for a wake-up call for many fathers, Smith said. As life begins to open again in a post-pandemic world, self-reflection is necessary.
“The pandemic has jarred our culture,” Smith said. “When things get back to more familiar, every dad is going to have to answer the question: ‘What part of how we used to live is worth going back to, and what part of how we used to live do we leave in the past?’
“Some dads have really busy schedules, but if it comes at the cost where you have no family time, maybe it’s time to dial that back.”
