By Joyce Coronel
Sandy Wood sits on the dark leather sofa in the living room of her Tempe home, thinking back on what it has meant to her to be a mother.
Her three children—a son and two daughters—are grown now, but she still remembers the tender moments of their childhood: the offering of a wildflower picked from the field, the proud presentation of something they’d made at school.
“It was those little things, because they were imparting something of themselves to me,” Wood said. Behind her on the wall, row upon row of framed portraits of the children and other loved ones served as a backdrop.
There have been myriad loved ones in Wood’s life. She’s not only a mother to her three adult children but a spiritual guide to many young women in the community who, for decades, have been turning to her for advice and support.
“My kids would tell their friends, ‘Why don’t you come to my house? My mom’s home.’”
People used to laugh and call her Donna Reed, a reference to the wholesome stay-at-home mother portrayed in the Donna Reed Show of the 1950s and ‘60s. Wood said she considered it a compliment.
When she talks with young moms, however, she shares with them that her life was far from idyllic.
“I know I made a lot of mistakes when I was mothering. I was naïve,” Wood said. “(Today’s) young women are between the ages of 20 and 35. They are very much into authenticity and they want someone who is real to them.” Sharing her own struggles helps them open up, she said.
As the wife of a pastor, there were financial challenges, Wood said, and beyond that, she and her husband were busy with heavy church obligations. By the time the third child came along, Wood said she felt overwhelmed. “I had to balance things at church with things at home. It was rough.
“I tell them some things I would like to do over. The biggest mistake was, I would rock my babies more,” Wood said, her eyes misting with tears even now. Wood’s youngest is 38, but she has five grandsons. She still enjoys rocking babies today and spends as much time with her grandchildren as possible.
Earlier in life, as a young mom, she and her husband began to struggle with their relationship and realized they were not spending enough time together as a couple. They came up with a solution: the institution of the Tuesday date night. The children knew it was sacred and so did members of the church. “I can count only a handful of times we didn’t go out on a Tuesday,” Wood said. “We went to McDonald’s a lot, or even to the park where there was lake so we could go fishing.”
When it came to family time, Wood said they had dinner together every night, sitting around the table. “A lot of kids never have a sit-down dinner. They eat standing up or in front of the television,” Wood said, but sharing a meal is when barriers are broken down and the children have their parents’ attention.
Instead of expensive vacations, Wood said she found joy in simple camping and fishing trips. That’s something that she still cherishes today as evidenced by a recent mid-week trip to Saguaro Lake for some fishing with her daughter and grandchildren.
Pausing to reflect on what she believes are the most difficult yet crucial aspects of motherhood, Woods said commitment and sacrifice top the list.
“There were a lot of things I sacrificed to be able to stay home and care for my children, things I wanted or thought I needed but I chose to sacrifice,” Wood said. But the payoff was joy.
She tells young moms about the importance of unconditional love.
“I think one of the hardest things we have to do with our children is accept them unconditionally. We also have to learn who they are and what is the temperament and personality that they’re born with.”
Wood acknowledges that many moms work outside the home but emphasized that even so, “your children need to know that you are available 24/7…they need to know ‘I can get my mom anytime I need her,’” Wood said. “They need to know that ‘I can get to my mom and she can help me.’”
The rewards come later in life as they grow into adulthood, and especially when they have their own children, Wood said.
Many young moms get discouraged and tired and are in need of adult company. They get that at Wood’s weekly Bible study for moms at First Baptist Church in Tempe. While the children play in the church’s childcare, the moms get inspiration and encouragement via Wood’s upbeat, transparent guidance.
Many of them, she said, have bought into the myth that their children will look perfect, be perfect and that as their mom, they’ll be the ones to make that happen.
“The pressure of that is immense,” Wood said, adding that her own children “definitely did not act perfect.” Now as a grandmother, she reflects back on those years, thankful for the time she spent with her children and the opportunity to share the wisdom she gleaned with today’s moms.
With Mother’s Day just around the corner, she remembers a tradition her late husband began. “We always did a Mother’s Day photo,” Wood says. It’s a tradition the family still practices today, along with a trip to Joe’s Barbecue for dinner.
