(back)

Reconciling with those who hurt us the most

By Melissa Hirschl

Friendship is truly one of life’s finest treasures; the miraculous connections we make with others provide us with more than we could ever bargain for–intimacy, mutual support and a feeling of well being.

Barbra Streisand’s famous song sums it up best: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

What happens, however, when our nurtured relationships come to a grinding halt due to hurt, betrayal and rage?

As human beings, it’s inevitable our friendships will be tested time and time again. Through careless words or festering anger, friendships, like mountains, get chipped away. Some relationships are strong enough to weather any storm; others crumble, never to be rebuilt.

If the idea of reconciling with someone you have written off seems like a glimmering possibility to you, there’s someone who can help walk you through the process.

Author, lecturer and workshop leader Laura Davis is coming to Changing Hands Bookstore this month to promote and sign her newest book, I Thought We’d Never Speak Again–The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation.

Davis has been featured on Oprah, CNN, NPR’s All Things Considered, and in the Philadelphia Enquirer and Time Magazine.

“I identify core issues in the world,” says Davis, “and I tell stories that motivate and inspire people to make positive changes in their lives. I believe you need to be larger than the people who hurt you and the things that caused you pain.”

A compelling compilation of first-person accounts, her book is about real people who have reconnected with estranged loved ones.

It addresses the issues of forgiveness and reconciliation that we all must face at one time or another.

People who reconcile under a wide variety of difficult circumstances are represented in this powerful book: war veterans returning to Vietnam, children of Holocaust survivors meeting with children of Nazis, to Palestinian and Israeli girls learning to listen to each other.

“This book explores different pathways to mending relationships that have ended because of anger, betrayal, or misunderstandings,” says Davis.

Not surprisingly, the afflatus for the book began with Davis’ painful rift with her own mother. After years of estrangement, the two struggled to rebuild their relationship.

“I was committed to healing the relationship,” says Davis, “and when I reconciled with my mother, it felt like something inside me that had been broken was made whole. It was very important to me that she become an involved grandmother for my own children.”

In Davis’ book, she explains the steps necessary for reconciliation: maturity, discernment, determination, courage, communication and compassion.

She also explains how people can make peace in relationships without necessarily forgiving past hurts.

The book includes a special section called Ideas for Reflection and Discussion, as well as a self-assessment titled Are You Ready for Reconciliation?

Davis tackles deep, provocative issues in her book, including the Holocaust, hate crimes, homosexuality, sexual abuses, drunken driving, incest and death.

No matter what your history is, there is a story in this book that will speak to your circumstance.

What does the author see as her mission in life? “I’d like to launch a national reconciliation movement and play a small part in bringing peace and understanding to families, communities and the world,” says Davis.

Davis’ other books, including The Courage to Heal, The Courage to Heal Workbook, Allies in Healing, Beginning to Heal and Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, have been published in more than 10 languages and have sold more than 1.5 million copies in the U.S.

She has also built an online reconciliation community at www.lauradavis.net.

Davis will be at Changing Hands Bookstore at 7 p.m. Wednesday, June 19. For more information call: (480) 730-0205. Changing Hands Bookstore is located at 6498 S. McClintock Drive, Tempe.

(back)