By Amy Burnside
I had no idea!” These are common words spoken after someone has lost a loved one to suicide. There is no single cause for suicide. Suicide most often occurs when stressors exceed current coping abilities. This may be due to intense emotional overload or an undiagnosed or untreated mental health condition.
Depression is the most common condition associated with suicide. Additionally, anxiety and substance abuse are common factors and teens are becoming increasingly more and more at risk.
As a mother of two teenage girls and a mental health professional, I am exposed daily to the ups and downs of being a teenager in today’s overstimulating environment. Amid social media, busy family schedules and pressures to perform well academically, socially and athletically, teens today can easily become overwhelmed by life.
So, how can parents and adult community members help this anxious and overwhelmed age group?
First, if you are a parent or an adult in a mentoring relationship with a teen, be present. Let the teen know that she or he is important and what they have to say is important.
Put down your phone, turn away from your computer and listen. I mean really listen to what the teen has to say as a person. The most common theme I hear from teens is that they are afraid of being judged or getting into trouble. If you have young children, begin building a healthy, trusting connection early so you can build their trust. This will help them to have more open dialogue with you when they are teenagers and may need to talk about difficult emotions or topics.
If you already have a teen and you are having a hard time connecting, it is not too late. Teens need someone to talk to, and sometimes their peers are not equipped with the emotional stability or knowledge and life experience to know how to help, even if they try.
Don’t expect the teen to open up right away. Start building a connection by doing something active that the young person enjoys and talk about things that are not serious. Allow your teenager to relax and feel a sense of camaraderie with you. Be mindful of your reaction and try to see things from your teenager’s point of view rather than only from your adult point of view.
Doing this will build rapport, trust, and connection with your teen. Check in with your teen on a regular basis to see how things are going with friends, school and extracurricular activities, as well as their overall emotional and physical health.
Don’t wait to be told. Give the teen space to be himself or herself while you provide ways to make well-informed decisions. The key word here is “guide.” Be an emotional coach. Teens have the ability to make good decisions, but they can often be made from an emotional place. Try to help your teen to balance logic and emotions. This will help make decisions be made from a “Wise Mind,” a term that comes from Mindfulness training.
Lastly, be aware of warning signs of suicide as well as resources that can assist if you see signs of the teen feeling overwhelmed or suicidal.
Warning Sides of Acute Risk for Suicide (Act immediately)
· Threatening to hurt or him or herself or talking of wanting to hurt or kill him/herself.
· Looking for ways to kill him/herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills or other means.
· Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary.
Amy Burnside is a licensed counselor and Corona del Sol parent.
