For Valentine’s Day 2016, a grieving mom gains a new look

Brenda Vanderbur gets a new hairstyle courtesy of Ragtops Salon in Tempe.
Brenda Vanderbur gets a new hairstyle courtesy of Ragtops Salon in Tempe.

By Joyce Coronel

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Brenda Vanderbur sat inside Ragtops Salon in south Tempe, awaiting a pre-Valentine’s Day makeover session with stylist and co-owner Ginger Braaten.

Vanderbur, whose 18-year-old son Ridge died last April after a hard-fought battle against cancer, didn’t have any plans for the upcoming Valentine’s holiday and was thinking she would just as soon skip it.

“Last year on Valentine’s Day, Ridge was in the ICU. It was around that time that it became apparent he was not going to make it,” Vanderbur said as her blue eyes clouded with tears. “So, we would love to ignore Valentine’s Day, but that’s not going to happen.”

She continued:

“The truth is, it’s a day of love and not necessarily of sweethearts, but love in general. We’ve talked a little bit about what we could do to help somebody else, to show our love for somebody else.”

Sitting before the mirror with Braaten, Vanderbur raked her fingers through her long, blonde hair. “I’ve lost a lot of hair,” Vanderbur said matter-of-factly. The stress of burying a child had taken its toll on her tresses.

“Nah, you’re fine,” Braaten said. “You’re in good company.” Women tend to lose hair as they age, she noted, so “the rest of us are in the same place. You just started out with such a nice big head of hair that you’re in better shape than most of us.”

Vanderbur smiled. Her perspective on things has shifted since losing Ridge, she said.

“I see a lot of girls who don’t have any hair or who have lost 80 percent of their hair. I recently met with a girl who has just started her chemo, and she has chosen at this point not to shave her hair. But most of it’s gone, and I think, ‘What am I complaining about, losing my hair?’”

Braaten ran a wide-tooth comb through Vanderbur’s locks and stood back.

“I think it would be very pretty to bring this down a little more,” she said. “You have lovely cheekbones and big, beautiful eyes. You have very long hair so if we take four to six inches off it’s still long.”

“I’m OK with that,” Vanderbur said. She wants to be able to still pull her hair into a ponytail for exercise, something she said she’s trying to do a bit more of these days. “It’s helping with my stress.”

“We’re going to reshape the bangs a little bit and add some layers. Nothing that’s going to be demanding and add work,” Braaten said. “We need to keep you in a nice easy, playful, easy-to-care-for style. You’re young and beautiful and we want you to feel like you’re 25 because you look like you’re 25. I don’t want you to be nervous that we’re going to do something drastic.”

“It’s really funny, after everything I’ve been through, my perspective has changed,” Vanderbur said. “I don’t sweat the small stuff. I guess I never got that before. I mean, it’s hair. It will grow back.”

Country music plays softly in the background and a gaggle of women sits under the bank of dryers flipping through magazines. Braaten applies color to sections of Vanderbur’s hair, then painstakingly wraps the newly curled locks in foil.

After the cutting and coloring and conditioning are through, Braaten wields the curling iron and then pins Vanderbur’s hair up in a half chignon. “You have a beautiful jawline so it’s perfect for you,” Braaten says as Vanderbur beholds her new look in the mirror.

After decades in the beauty business, Braaten has seen her share of women bearing grief. “A hairdresser knows more than a counselor,” Vanderbur quipped. So does a little pampering and a new look help women cope with heartache?

“I think at some point it does,” Braaten said. “Nothing softens the pain initially, but at some point you’ve got to get on with your life. I think hair is a really important aspect of our lives. Having beautiful, healthy hair makes us feel better about ourselves.”

“Some days are better than others,” Vanderbur muses. “Some days you get it. Another day, you can’t make yourself get it. So putting on makeup and getting your hair done and wearing something other than pajama pants or sweats is a step in making you look normal.”

There are times she runs into a friend or acquaintance and it’s a sweatpants/pajama kind of a day.

“And that was really the best that you could do that day,” Braaten says softly.

“That was the best I could do that day. So, yeah, it does feel good,” Vanderbur says.

Braaten, who co-owns Ragtops Day Spa and Salon with her husband Terry and Jeanne Dankert, is a master haircutter. The south Tempe business offers an array of services, including manicure, massage, facials, waxing and permanent makeup.

Information: ragtopsdayspa.com or call 480-838-9633.

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